Fall is the greatest time of year. Comfortable weather. Scenic foilage. Football season. Thanksgiving. State fairs. Early Christmas shopping. During the course of human history, has anyone said anything bad about fall?? Point proven.
Well today I am going to be first. Don’t get me wrong, fall is 99.99% super-fantastic. I would add more 9s to that percentage, but my fingers might go on strike. (They’ve done it before.)
Alas, there is one stain on the velvet carpet, one nasty piece of cabbage wedged in the polished rows of pearly whites.
Yes, politicians. Unfortunately for us all, someone decided long ago that, every two years, fall would be obscured by a mind-numbing spectacle known as “election season.” Why anyone would ruin the greatest time of year with an unending chorus of lying, posturing, and name-calling, is beyond me. The leaves may change their colors, but the politicians never change their ways. We all know this to be true.
So today I am calling on everyone to become part of a political movement. It is time for us to change things for the better.
No, I am not asking you to join the Rent Is Too Damn High Party.
Nor am I asking you to vote for Basil Marceaux.
Instead, I am asking everyone to band together and demand that “election season” be moved to a different part of the year. Preferably to a part that already sucks. Come on everyone, let’s take our message to the streets! (Plus, it’s nice outside this time of year.)
So that we have a united front, I have compiled a “primary” ballot below to determine which month should have the dubious honor of hosting our elections. Please vote for the most qualified candidate in the comment section. Together, we can remove the scourge of politics from our most cherished season.
D. Basil Marceaux.