There She Is . . .

Hmmm.  I’m thinking of a yearly event. 

Here are some clues.  It’s a winter tradition, which spreads joy across the land, and brings smiles to the faces of little children.  On this one occasion, we are reminded that dreams can come true.  And, it’s just around the corner. 

No, not Christmas.  The Miss America pageant!

You may be wondering why I am so pumped up.  After all, I am a guy.  Guys don’t watch Miss America, right?  Wrong!!

I cannot vouch for my fellow brethren, but this guy understands that the M.A.P. has it all.  Beautiful women?  Check.  Fierce competition?  Check.  Excitement?  Check.  Geography?  Culture?  Controversy?  Check, check, and check.  Good theme music?  Sometimes. 

But, to truly appreciate Miss America, you must get to know the ladies in advance.  That’s the best part.  Each one has unique ambitions, personality, and background.  Like a star football player is a symbol of masculinity, each Miss America contestant is a feminine icon.  And, their positive energy and ability to inspire others is just as worthy of respect as a football player’s ability to evade tacklers and score touchdowns.

The problem is, it is difficult to measure the qualities that make a Miss America.  With football, that’s easy.  You just add up the points at the end of the game, and you see who wins.  But, picking a Miss America is not so simple.  You usually don’t know the score until it’s over.  That’s why it is important to know the contestants before the night of the pageant.  It is a lot more fun to root for the ones you think should win, rather than just stare blankly at the TV as contestants are eliminated.  Otherwise, you might as well be watching a dog show.

Unfortunately, the pageant usually sneaks up on me, and I don’t get a chance to do my homework.  But not this year.  This year, I have familiarized myself with each of the lovely ladies by watching a video clip featuring them expressing their individuality, and by reviewing their profiles on the competition website.  Based on this information, I have narrowed the field of 53 contestants down to 20 who I think should do well in the pageant.  Then, after the pre-competition interviews (which count for 25% of the contestant’s score) are released, I will narrow my list to 15, and rank them.

First, I’ll give you the breakdown.  To ensure I was not unfairly favoring some parts of the country over others, I have made sure that at least ten of the sixteen regions of the United States (see November 1st weblog) are represented.  Accordingly, my top 20 is divided into ten regional representatives and ten “wildcard” candidates.  (You can assume that I was more impressed by a region’s representative than any wild card contestants from that region.  Other than that, they are listed in no particular order.)  Finally, I group most of the remaining contestants into categories, just for fun.

So here they are.  Click the title of the contestant to view her video.

 

REGIONAL REPRESENTATIVES

Alaska:  Miss Alaska.  Charming, confident, and blizzard-proof.  My kind of contestant.

The Northeast:  Miss Deleware.  What a heartwarming story.  This young lady had been bald since a young age, but you would never guess that by the gleam in her eye and her uplifting attitude.  She usually competes with a wig, but has also been known to compete (and win) without it.  She is definitely worth rooting for.

The South:  Miss Mississippi.  Great message, great delivery.  A true Southern lady!  I find myself mesmerized by the accent and the smile.  What Southern guy wouldn’t be?

Hawaii:  Miss Hawaii.  The smile, the song, the cute choreography . . . come on, even old man Scrooge is bound to crack a smile.  I want a bobble-head doll of her for my dashboard. 

The Upper Midwest:  Miss Wisconsin.  The All-American Girl.  Batter up!

The Psuedo South:  Miss Virginia.  Very effective use of demonstrative aids.  She cultivated sympathy, but exuded confidence.  A polished presentation!

Big Sky:  Miss South Dakota.  Wow.  Really makes you think.  Another good one to root for.

The West:  Miss Wyoming.  She’s cheerful, and she’s a nurse.  Works for me.

The Rust Belt:  Miss Pennsylvania.  The violin is a nice touch!  The speech was a little sappy, but there’s nothing wrong with that.  This young lady seems like the one who best fits the traditional mold of a Miss America.  It was tough to choose a representative from this region, but her smile won the day.

The Northwest:  Miss Washington.  Another young lady who really captivated my emotions with her openness and sincerity.  When she used one of my favorite words – perseverance – I knew I had just found my Northwest rep.

 

 “WILDCARD” CONTESTANTS

Miss Arkansas.  Yeah, so maybe I’m a little biased.  But I really like the routine.

Miss New Jersey.  Outstanding!  Original!  I think this was the most effective presentation of all.  A routine baked to perfection, with whip cream and cherry (or more accurately, a balloon crown) on top.

Miss West Virginia.  Okay, what can I say.  I’m a sucker for the slides.  The enthusiasm didn’t hurt, either.  (Although the “Rawwr, baby like animal!!” was maybe a bit much.)

Miss Virgin Islands.  She said it herself: a fabulous floral beauty.  A confident and robust personality, with cultural pride to boot.  

Miss Georgia.  Elegant and laced with smooth Southern culture. This charming routine leaves you with a good taste in your mouth.

Miss Michigan.  Just the right mix of pride and sincerity. The State of Michigan rarely disappoints.

Miss New Hampshire.  At first, the childhood video seemed like somewhat of a cop out.  But she really sold it!  Of course, it didn’t hurt that she was adorable when she was a little girl, or that the video was perfect for the occasion.  She gets the benefit of the doubt on this one.

Miss Colorado.  Do not invite her over for dinner.  She will make you look pathetic in front of your family. 

Miss Ohio.  Articulate and easy on the eyes.  When the costume dropped, so did my jaw.  If only she could stand in front of the camera.

Miss Tennessee.  Somewhere there is a construction worker missing his princess hat.

 

Now for some other noteworthy contestants . . . .

 

THE ENERGETIC

Miss Texas.  Numbers are on her side.  Can you say, first one to the roulette table?

Miss Oklahoma.  She knows who Tony Romo is . . . . and she might steal his job one day.

Miss Nebraska.  She’s only seventeen!  I know just the perfect theme song for her.  Well, on second thought . . . .

Miss Utah.  Thumbs up for originality!

Miss New Mexico.  Just as relevant, huh?  I’ve got some bad news for her.  The term “Rosie the Riveter” was first used in 1942.

Miss Alabama.  Okay, okay!  I’ll say it.  You’re a phenomenal woman.  Now please let go of my arm.

Miss North Carolina.  Hoo-rah!

Miss Massachusetts.  She graduated from Harvard.  She won two national figure skating titles.  She attends medical school.  She loves children.  She majored in poetry.  And, she can throw down some wicked rhymes.  Sesame Street style.

 

THE FUNNY

Miss Montana.  Genius! 

Miss Puerto Rico.  When all else fails, blow kisses.

Miss Kentucky.  When all else fails, tell them you love cheesecake.

Miss District of Columbia.  Nurse?  Nurse??  Help!!

Miss Nevada.  Lord have mercy on the contestant behind her.

Miss Kansas.  Wizard of Oz, Vegas Edition:  Dorthy hits the slots, loses big.  Pawns red slippers for food.  Toto hitches ride home.

Miss Arizona.  Should you watch your children around water?  Always, always, always.

Miss Louisiana.  Didn’t see that coming, did ya?

 

THE INSPIRATIONAL

Miss Minnesota.  If you live in Minnesota, and you see people in your neighborhood wearing crowns, you know why.

Miss North Dakota.  You heard that right.  She got her start as a janitor.  Talk about moving up life’s ladder.

Miss Indiana.  She’s movin’ on up, too.

Miss Vermont.  She’s a believer.

 

THE TALENTED

Miss California.  Could be the first to win Miss America and American Idol in the same year.

Miss Idaho.  For the last time, yes, she really talks like that.  Her conversations are like musicals.

Miss Florida.  She knows her ABC’s.  And words that begin with them.

Miss Connecticut.  Clever.

Miss Rhode Island.  The good news?  She can spell Miss America with her fingers.  The bad news?  It’s a Sharpie. 

 

THE DOWN-TO-EARTH

Miss Oregon.  Don’t feel bad for P.J., Shondrea, or Cassie.  They all got their shot.

Miss New York.  Be real.  Be nerdy.

Miss South Carolina.  She has one foot on each side of the Mason-Dixon.

 

THE REST

Miss Maine.  I like the pictures.

Miss Illinois.  In case you couldn’t tell, she’s from southern Illinois.  That’s a compliment.

Miss Missouri.  Spunky and fun-loving.

Miss Maryland.  Right thought, wrong show.

 

TONY ROMO’S NEW FIANCE  (IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO TONY ROMO IS, PLEASE REMAIN SEATED AND SCROLL DOWN.  MY DISDAIN WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY.)

Miss Missouri 2008, Candice Crawford.  Say what you want about his skills on the field, but Tony’s taste in women is unassailable.  First, Jessica Simpson.  Then, Carrie Underwood.  Now?  A former Miss America contestant.  What a sly dog!  Hopefully he’s finally found his kennel.

 

Okay, so now that you know the contestants, who is your favorite?  I have done my best to pick the ones I thought put their best feet forward in their intro videos.  But, the truth is that they are all winners – literally – with awesome personalities to match.  I hope you had as much fun watching the videos as I had posting them.   ;  ) 

 

 

*  Tony Romo is the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys.  You know, the guy who takes the football from between the big guy’s legs, and then tries to throw it to other guys who are wearing the same jersey?  Oh, forget it.  I tried.

8 thoughts on “There She Is . . .

  1. Is Miss Missouri 2008 sitting on the sidelines of the Cowboys? Is that why they haven’t been doing so hot this year? I heard Jessica Simpson was quite the bad luck charm back in her and Romo’s dating days :PMaybe I’ll watch some of the Miss America beauty pageant this year. You made it sound like it might be interesting. I don’t know if it’ll be as good as Miss Congeniality though. 

  2. @sunflowersforlove – If she is on sidelines, she’s been covering her eyes this year. I share your suspicion. We may have been cursed by another blond.The Miss America pageant does not give out a Miss Congeniality award. I think they should. The more awards, the better. The Miss USA pageant apparently does, but I don’t watch that one. (It is a complete joke.)You deserve a nomination for Miss Congeniality of my comment section, haha. ; )

  3. @sunflowersforlove – Haha, I appreciate your curiosity. The two pageants are night and day. Besides the fact that one is a scholarship pageant and the other is a beauty contest, the real difference is found in the traits that propel the contestants to success.For one, little more than raw beauty is required to become Miss USA. Any other attributes are merely a plus. The Miss USA pageant has no talent competition — unlike Miss America, where talent accounts for 35% of each contestant’s score. In other words, Miss USA contestants are not asked to do anything except walk across a stage. Unfortunately, some of the Miss USA winners can barely do that. In 2007, Miss USA made headlines around the world when she fell down onstage in the Miss Universe pageant. http://www.youtube.com/watchv=gZZd9UGV0uI&feature=youtube_gdata_player . You would think something like that would be a complete fluke and that future winners would not let that happen, right?? Wrong. The very next year, Miss USA did it again! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6EUZ-HRnmM&feature=youtube_gdata_player . Sadly, the Miss USA pageant is an embarrassment to the United States. (Literally.)In contrast, and to paraphrase Dr. King, the Miss America pageant tends to judge its contestants more by the content of their character than by their external appearance. To become Miss America, a contestant must be well-rounded. The ladies show off talents ranging from singing and dancing to juggling and ventriloquy. That’s to say nothing of being able to consistently walk across a stage in heels. But, perhaps most essential, is the contestant’s ability to inspire people. That concept is nowhere to be found in the Miss USA pageant, which often devolves into an America’s Next Top Model audition.As if those disparities are not enough, the Miss USA pageant is routinely rocked by scandals. The most notorious in recent times is the Carrie Prejean controversy, complete with a lawsuit against the pageant and a sex tape. Just watching her interview on the Today Show during the scandal makes you wonder how she managed to become runner-up in the pageant in the first place. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMfS5uKuMHY&feature=youtube_gdata_player . She did not fare much better on Larry King. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZwVVW2tqQM&feature=youtube_gdata_player . Then there is Tara Conner, Katie Rees, Ashley Harder, Lindsey Evans, Kari Ann Penische, the “racy photo scandal” . . . . and that’s only in the past four years! News commentator Danielle Bean said it best earlier this year, when she dubbed the Miss USA pageant “a complete and total joke.” http://www.ncregister.com/blog/another_predictably_stupid_miss_usa_scandal/ .Meanwhile, the Miss America pageant has not had a major scandal since nude photos of Vanessa Williams (Miss America & Miss New York) were released in 1984. Hardly any comparison to the onslaught of scandals that plague Miss USA on a yearly basis. And, the Miss America pageant responded sternly. Williams was stripped of her crown, and no contestant from the Northeast has won the pageant since.In sum, the Miss America and Miss USA pageants do not have nearly as much in common as may meet the eye. It’s a shame that so many people get them confused. Just watch an interview with a Miss America, and you’ll quckly understand the difference. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eelmqJvBxdw&feature=youtube_gdata_playerI hope that answers your question. ; )

  4. Oh, I see. I don’t remember which one it is, but I remember one of the pageants had a winner make a controversial statement about gay marriage, I think it was Miss California, but I’m not positive. That’s all I’ve ever heard about it though. Miss America definitely sounds like it’s probably more interesting especially since it’s not a high school popularity contest :p. I’ll keep my eyes open for Miss USA this time around. 

  5. All I can say is, Ms. Maryland does not do Maryland girls justice ;)Never thought I’d be into brunettes, but Ms. Delaware seems to be the hottest, however, also kinda lacking in the front rack department though. Hmmm.

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