Florida Is Crazy

As if we needed further confirmation, the Casey Anthony trial has given us yet another reason to remember why Florida is the looniest state of all.

Anthony’s acquittal for murdering her daughter adds to the growing list of well-publicized oddesies that have come out of the Sunshine State.  At some point, you’ve got to admit it’s not a coincidence.

Here are a few that come to mind:

#1  Hanging Chads

Most of you will recall how the 2000 presidential election came down to Florida’s “hanging chad ballots” — ballots which were not punched properly.  The election was razor thin.  Several Florida counties decided to manually recount the votes to make sure they did not miss any due to hanging chads.  These counties requested an extension to the filing deadline for voting returns.  In a shocking move, the Florida secretary of state denied the request for extension, and declared Bush the winner.  All hell broke loose.

The election hung in limbo for more than a month while the entire nation gawked at the one state that could not properly count its ballots.  Al Gore fought the ruling all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, but ultimately he lost.  The election was ultimately decided by mere 537 votes, with no recount.  The outcome is still disputed.

#2  Scary Churches

Another case that went to the U.S. Supreme Court involved a church in Hialeah, Florida (near Miami) known as the Church of Lukumi Babalu Aye.  The Church practiced Santeria, a religion which required them to behead chickens and goats as animal sacrifices.  The sacrifices were performed publicly, in broad daylight.

The other people in Hialeah were disgusted by these public slaughters.  They passed a city ordinance prohibiting the sacrificing of animals in this manner.  The Church challenged the law, and eventually, the Supreme Court upheld their right to perform the sacrifices.  The practices continue to this day.  (To be fair, this also goes on in Texas.)

#3  Senseless Murders

Speaking of senseless murders, when you shoot your own brother over a coke . . . you know you come from a crazy state.  (And you almost make Cain look like a saint.)

#4  Pythons . . .  African Pythons!

If your pets start disappearing and you suspect that there could be an African python living under you house . . . you KNOW you come from a crazy state.  (Those things have been known to eat alligators!)

#5  Alligators Everywhere

In Florida, the police do not enforce the law.  The gators do.


Does anyone else have examples of Florida’s nuttiness?  Don’t be stingy.

Who’s Your Daddy?

My two best friends are identical twins.  One had his first child this afternoon.  A beautiful, healthy baby boy.

Everyone was elated; especially his brother, who quickly posted a Facebook status update declaring himself a proud new uncle.

After the frenzy had died down, a thought popped into my mind.  A scandalous thought perhaps.

Aren’t both of my friends the daddy?

Give me a chance to explain.  As you probably know, identical twins are genetically identical.  As a result, they pass on the exact same genes to their children.  According to Wikipedia, “the children of identical twins would test genetically as half-siblings rather than first cousins.”

So shouldn’t my other friend be celebrating biological fatherhood (rather than uncle-hood)?  Somebody please tell me where I’m wrong here.

P.S. – If I ever have kids, I think I’m going to send them to the University of Indiana just so I can have a bumpersticker that says “Hoosier Daddy.” : P